Monday, November 24, 2008

Bittersweet

Had an appointment with my primary doctor this morning.  Partially to touch base, he likes to stay involved in my care, and also to discuss my birth control options.  Prior to the 
beginning of all this madness, we were getting ready to expand our family.  But now knowing what we do about FAP and that any future children would have a 50% chance of having this disease our procreating has been put on hold, indefinitely.  Those of you who know me, know how badly I want to have children.  Out of everything I've been though, this is the hardest part.
And before you comment that:
  • "It's only a 50% chance." or
  • "cancer research has come so far, imagine where it will be in another few years." or
  • "you have FAP and you're ok."
I have already thought about these things.  I am not saying that what we are choosing to do is written in stone, things may change.  But right now, I don't know how I could knowingly risk putting a child through this.  So far, I am very lucky, it can be a lot worse.  
And yes, I know there are other options out there for adding on to your family.  And when we are ready we will explore them.  But one step at a time.

On another note, since this week is Thanksgiving, I wanted to include in each post something or someone that I am thankful for.  There really is so much that I have to be thankful for.  I am very grateful for all of my doctors, especially my primary, Dr Buckler.  Dr Buckler was the 1st doctor in 7 years to actually listen to me.  He was the one who referred me to the GI for a colonoscopy.  He didn't laugh, placate me or not believe me when I told him I had blood in my stools.  Dr Buckler, has also visited me, on his own time mind you, every time I have been in the hospital.  He is always making  sure that all of me, not just my GI tract, is being taken care of.   Thank you Dr Buckler! 

* Today's picture is of Gracie in her first snow.  At first she was unsure of this white cold stuff but she loves it!  It was near impossible to get a picture of her as she just kept sprinting through the yard.  

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Steph
I admire you more with each passing day. Your strength is amazing. Your writings bring an array of emotions that really make me stop and think how lucky & proud I am to have you as my niece.
Emma especially likes to see pictures of Gracie.
Love you
Aunt Donna

Aunt Jay said...

Stephanie, while we don't see much of each other, I am thankful that you are part of my family, along with your Mom, your Dad, your Brother and, of course, Scott. Family is who help us get through situations when we think we cannot do it any longer. I truly beleive Family is a vital part of who we are.
And for the Q&A: what are you able to eat these days, will you be able to eat at least some portion of the Thanksgiving dinner and where will you be spending it? Love ya,

brigita said...

I'm so sorry about the whole childbearing thing...I hate to use a total cancer/Gilda Radner cliché, but it really *is* always something. All the best to you and your husband as you discuss. :)

Christina said...

I'm so sorry about this. I'm not sure what to say to make you feel better but only that I'm reading and thinking of you!