This should be a happy post, but. . .

Ok, first off a rundown from my visit with the surgeon:  

• He will be emailing me the pictures of my colon that he took after removing it.  For some sick reason, I am very excited to see these.  Probably to give myself some kind of reminder about why I am going through this.
• The Dr will refer me to some Gastroenterologists here in Grand Rapids that are very versed in FAP.  Remember that time bomb in my duodenum?  My goal is to get that out of there and avoid the Whipple procedure.  The Dr told us that these are some of the best GIs in the state, and if they don't think they have the skill or technology to do it they will refer me to Indiana University.  This is a huge load of stress off my shoulders.  I hadn't been able to find a doctor with enough experience or skill to remove the duodenum polyps without having open surgery.  
• We asked about the pathology report on my colon.  We were hoping the "no news is good news" theory was in effect, but we had to double check.  While he couldn't find a copy of the report in my chart, he was pretty sure it was good news (NO CHEMO!) He said he will double check and get back to us. Yahoo!!
• And one last tidbit of news. . . we have a tentative date for my "take down" surgery 9/23.  

Now I should be excited about this.  They will be putting my insides back inside of my body where they belong. It means no more stoma, no more bag. . .  But I'm not has happy or excited as I thought I would be.  Its too soon, I'm not ready.  Before the first surgery I worked very hard to mentally prepare myself for how my life would be afterwards with the ostomy.  I'm not prepared for life with my j-pouch.  There is a period of time while my j-pouch learns its new job.  Meanwhile, I will be having watery stools with frequent urgency.  I will be going as much as 20 times a day, and that includes waking up at night to go (that is if I can wake up in time).  Hopefully my j-pouch learns its new job quickly, then the average stools is 8-10 times a day and another 1-2 at a night.  Since the j-pouch is created out of my ileum, it is not able to absorb as much water or gastric acid as the colon did.  This means my  pouch output will burn my anal region (aka butt burn).  They said to expect it to take one year for my j-pouch to fully adapt to its new job. One year! 

I know this is better than cancer.  I know.  I just haven't fully wrapped my mind around it and accepted it yet.  I thought I had more time.  But I will, I will come to terms with this and own it.  I will be proud of my new anatomy, it saved my life.  It just may take some time.