Monday, July 7, 2008

Control

Hope everyone had a nice holiday.  We had a good time up at the lake.  It was nice to spend some relaxing time with family.  I think I took enough pictures to use in posts for the rest of the summer!  

Other wise, things are okay.  The surgery is two weeks from tomorrow.  While I am not nervous yet I am scared.  I am scared of the unknown.  There is so much I don't know.  How much pain will I be in?  Will I be able to move much?  What will my needs be?  How will I be feeling?  How long till I am able to function again?  When will I be able to cook again?  And so on. . .

I have never been one to admit when I need help.  But I am foreseeing that I am going to need help while I'll recover.  Admitting  that is difficult for me.  Probably since I have been taking care of myself for so long it is uncomfortable for me to even admit that I will need help. 

I am the type of person who likes structure and order in my life.  I like to be able to visualize what is going to happen. Unfortunately, I can't do that now.  I can picture the next two weeks. . . then it is just blank.  It is really bugging me that I do not know exactly what the future will be like.  I guess that is something that I have to get use to.

3 comments:

Christina said...

I can't imagine how you must be feeling! Is there anyone that you can talk to that has been through this to give you a better idea of what to expect? What about a message board??

Craig said...

Steph,
I can't really offer any advice other than give you this quote that is on the wall by my desk. It helped me when going through my bouts of surgery and treatments:

"Yesterday is already a dream and tomorrow is only a vision but TODAY WELL LIVED makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of HOPE!"

Hang in there and know you are in good hands and well loved.

Uncle Craig

carmenscolon said...

Hi There Stephanie,

Looks like you are scheduled for surgery a few days before I have the same procedure. Mine is the result of severe ulcerative colitis however. I am now reading up about your FAP. I am not sure what to tell you except I have the same nesting urge to have everything organized and all fixed up. Thats why we are getting the house painted and rewired as well. Crazy I know!

Best of luck to you in your surgery. I happen to enjoy Carl Hiassen mysteries as they are totlally hilarious and unrelated to my life.

Carmen