Oh what a morning

Oh what a morning I had yesterday!  It started off good.  I was feeling strong so I decided I was going to attempt something new.  Even though Scott wasn't home I decided I was going to shower.  While Becky was here last week, she installed a hand held shower head so I could sit on a stool and shower.  All previous shower attempts had been done while someone sat in my bedroom, just in case.  But nothing ever happened so I thought nothing of it.  I also had this brilliant idea to shower sans 'bag'.  I thought it would feel good to have the bag off for a bit and to be able to clean around it.  So far my stoma has not been active in the mornings.  So. . . everything starts off good, but about the time I have my hair all sudsy I start feeling woozy.  I quickly attempt to rinse my hair and then crawl on to the bathroom floor.  At this point my stoma decides to be active, and is squirting everywhere.  I am not strong enough to stand up, so I grab a towel to hold over him (yes my stoma is a him.  I figure it has to be male, who else would think it is perfectly okay to fart anytime it wants to, like at the dinner table).  Once it has settled down and I have a bit of strength I try to put a new bag on.  Right as I am attempting this he goes all crazy again and soaks the new appliance.  So, with that appliance in the trash I try again, but now I am too weak to keep standing so I lay on the ground and put the new bag on.  Phew,  once it is on I crawl (yes on my hands and knees) to my bed.  I figure I'll just rest for a bit.  After about 5 minutes, my bag fails and is squirting out from underneath it in every direction (think of a hose that you place your thumb the opening and then turn on the water).  I lay there until I think it is done and then crawl back to the shower to rinse off, mind you I feel really gross at this point.  Now the shower head breaks, yup just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.  The connection to the pipe leaks and water starts spraying everywhere, soaking all the walls and ceiling.  All I can think about at this point is Scott is going to be pissed, we have this on going argument about the bathroom walls.  Supposedly I always get them wet when I shower.  Anyways back to this story,  I finally get a new bag on, and I just lay on the floor for an hour.  By this point I have soiled almost every towel in the house, plus my bedding.  It took me a good hour till I was strong enough to attempt getting dressed and going downstairs (I did the stairs on my bum, like how you did as a kid).  And I left the mess for when Scott came home so he could help me clean up.  

Sigh, at least I have learned some valuable lessons.  

1. No showering when no one is home.
   
2. No attempting to shower without the bag on
3. Scott is perfectly capable of doing laundry.