I miss her.

Dearest Koda,

One year ago (tomorrow) you left this physical world. You were too young, just about to turn 5. Our time together was too short. It wasn't suppose to end this way.

It eats me up inside when I think about your death. So alone, so painful. It kills me that I wasn't with you, holding you in my arms. I'm so sorry baby. I should of listened to my instincts and never left you that weekend.

I will never forget the day you choose us to be your forever family. Even though we had no intention of bringing a dog into our home, we stumbled upon you. When I first laid eyes on you I yelled "oh shit!" because deep down inside I knew you were meant for us. I was being too responsible, "our apartment is too small" "I work too many hours", but you quickly changed my mind when you jumped onto the picnic table, placed both paws on my shoulders, looked directly into my eyes and then proceeded to lick my entire face. I then admitted what my soul already knew, we were meant to be together.

Not a day goes by that my heart doesn't ache for you, but I try to cherish all my memories. The good, like when we would be home alone and you would jump up in the bed to sleep with me, but when I would finally drift off you would sneak off to your bed.  Or your uncanny ability to read my emotions, and give me exactly what I needed at that moment like a face full of kisses or some good deep belly laughs.   And the bad, like the time you climbed up on to the kitchen counter and found the food coloring and then decided to dye your white body a rainbow of colors. Or like the time you shredded 48 rolls of toilet paper. When we walked in it looked like it was snowing and there you were in the middle of it all, looking so proud and wiggling your nubbie.

Thank you. My life wouldn't be what it is now if you weren't once a part of it. And thank you for leading us to Gracie Mae. While she will never fill the hole in my heart she has taught me to love again.

Thank you for coming in to my life. You brought so much light and love, I can't imagine those years with out you in them. You have forever left your paw print on my heart.

I love you Koda Marie. Until we meet again.

Colon Cancer Awarness

I'm a bit ashamed it took me till the last week of March to write this, but better late then never.  March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month.  The blue star is the symbol of hope for a cure for colon cancer.

• When you combine men and women, colorectal cancer is the second most commonly diagnosed cancer and the second leading cause of cancer death.
• With regular screenings, colon cancer can be found early.  Screenings can even prevent it by removing polyps. 
• Unfortunately majority of colon cancers are not found early.  
• A colonoscopy is not that bad.  Seriously. Get over it if fear is your excuse. 

If you see blood in your stool or have had a change in popping habits, talk to you doc.  Don't be embarrassed, they have seen and heard much worse.  Do not let them blow you off, tell you your too young or don't have any risk factors.  Or my personal favorite tell you that it is just spaghetti sauce (I really hope I get to run into that doctor some day).  

Vernal Equinox

At 7:44 this morning spring arrived!  Thank God.  I really hope Mother Nature got the memo.  Officially our days our now longer then our nights!  This just means I'm one step closer to cottage season.  

I attended yoga again today.  Ah.  So relaxing and strenuous all at the same time.  I was a bit nervous though.  We did a few shoulder stands (for my non-yoga readers it's like a head stand, but on the back of your shoulders. Or just click here.)  As you may remember, I use to have to be upside down to help release gas.  The whole time I was in the shoulder stand I had an internal convo with my insides.  "Ok j-pouch, please oh please don't think this is the right opportunity to release any gas.  If you do this for me I promise not to subject you beer too often."  I really shouldn't have had brussel sprouts with dinner last night. 

The Hops Experiment

Hope everyone had a nice St. Patty's day.  I decided today to celebrate the O' Tool and McPeak parts of me.  What better day to test out a beer on the new plumbing then St Patty's Day?  We started off hunting for a good place to have a Guinness and some Irish food.  But we quickly realized, however, that we have out grown the St Patty's day bar crawl crowd.  Ah, growing up.  Since the weather was beautiful (70˚!)  we ended up on our back deck with some Magic Hat #9.  

The beer went down smoothly.  But since going down, it has started a bit of a riot in the gut.  Nothing painful, just A LOT of noise and some uncomfortableness.  I am foreseeing a lot of gas (which a true pain in the ass with a j-pouch) and possible multiple nightly trips to the bathroom.  Worth it?  I suppose, but something I want to do all that often. I think I am going to stick to vodka (Tito's, BEST vodka. Ever.) or wine when I feel the craving for a drink.  

 

The thing I liked most about my beer today, the message under the cap.

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind always be at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

and rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.  

-Irish Blessing

Zen like

Went to yoga today.  It was the first time since, well you know when.  And it felt incredible!  Before going I was quite nervous.  Much like a self-conscious teenager before a first date.  I had a horrible case of the "what ifs".  What if I couldn't do the poses?  What if everyone was more advanced then me?  What if my insides roar (like they commonly do and man is it loud!  I have even been known to spook the pets)?  What if all the bending and stretching causes my insides to go into overdrive and I have to run to the bathroom every five minutes?  Well lets just say that none of that happened (well except the part about everyone being more advanced then me, but so what.  It ended up not being a big deal.  If anyone even noticed I doubt they cared.)  It is like the saying "90% of what you worry about never even happens".

In the beginning I told the instructor that I had abdominal surgery 6 months ago.  She was wonderfully responsive.  She took the time to help me with poses that I struggled with, give me encouragement when I needed  it and show me variations that would be a bit easier with my decreased range of movement.  

So for one and a half hours in an overly warm room I bended stretched and moved in ways I haven't in a long time. (The overly warm room was a wonderful break too, since March has decided it would rather be a winter month.) While my muscles took turns yelling in protest at my newfound movements, I was able to get back in touch with me.  I realized while stolen colon  is (part of) me; I am not just stolen colon.  It is easy when you have been through something that impacts your life to loose yourself and forget that you are not defined by that event.  

As I walked out of the studio, damp with sweat and with every muscle in my body shaking,  I left inspired and remarkably at peace.  

All good

Had a check up with the Colorectal this morning.  It was good news all around.  He said I am still an anomaly.  Since I have constipation issues, most j-pouchers can't stop going.  But he said if I'm ok with it that it is all good.  And the best part. . . I don't have to go back for six whole months!  At that time he'll do a flex sig (like a colonoscopy, without the colon).  He'll check on the condition of the pouch and check for polyp growth.  

The only thing I wasn't to happy with was my weight.  Holy smokes! Lets just say I gained back all my post surgery weight loss, plus more!  At least that is a very fixable problem.  I'll be calling yoga studios this afternoon.  And I want to start using the treadmill more regularly.  Once I get in a bit better cardiovascular shape (and can go up a flight of stairs without my heart beating in my ears) I plan to do the couch to 5K plan.  I did it last year and loved it.  

With spring right around the corner, I will be getting outside more with Gracie.  We had a couple nice days last week, and Gracie and I went on a couple little hikes (with lots of breaks).  It was her first time in the woods, and she a bit spooked by it.  She had to check out every twig snap and leaf rustle.  Also she didn't know what to think about me not making her walk right next to me. 

I gotta tell you all, I am pretty happy.  Things seem to be going well with my health.  Better weather is on the horizon.  I have a job that I love (literally). 

Life is good.  

Saynora Polyps

Home sweet home.  It feels good to be back, with no polyps no less. On the trek over there we stopped for brunch in Chi-town to see my little brother.   It is always nice when I get to spend a little time with him. (Hence where today's pictures are from).  

So what's on my plate for medical b.s. you ask?  Well, depending on what pathology finds in the recently evicted polyps, will determine a lot.  But the thought is that they will only show dysplasia and no cancer.  If that is the case, then I don't have to go back out to mayo for six months!  Six whole months!  At that point the doc will then be able to determine how aggressive the polyps are.  If they are extremely aggressive, (and I have sprouted a few more) I would have to be packing bags and heading to Mayo at least every 6 months.  But, and this is a huge but here, if they turn out to not be aggressive polyps (and I am still clean and clear), then I could feasibly go a few YEARS (years, people YEARS!) in between screenings.   

Also this Tuesday I meet with my colorectal surgeon.  It is just a 6 month post-op

check up.  We plan to discuss what he thinks my screening schedule should be for the lower end.  Surprisingly, the bottom half screenings are much easier to handle then the upper half.  For my upper I am completely knocked out with a machine breathing for me, while the lower end I just undergo light sedation.  Needless to say I will be completely ok with it if he thinks I need to under go scopes to the j-pouch and bottom part of the small intestines more frequently.  

Well, it is absolutely gorgeous day here.  Gracie and I are on our way out to enjoy a nice spring time hike! 

Polyp free

A quick update.  Yesterday's procedure was a success.  The doc removed the polyps.  He also found a new baby one that was starting that he blasted to smithereens.  And he found about 4 mm growth on the area he worked on last time.  So he removed that too.  The question is, did that spot get missed last time? Or was it already growing back?  Either way it is gone gone gone.

I am incredibly sore, but good.  It feels like someone used my body as a punching bag.   I'll give more details in a later post.  The polyps are on there way to pathology, and depending on what that tells us determines my screening schedule.  

Thanks for the support and love. 

Mayo adventure II

Sorry for being MIA.  I have been debating the future of Stolen Colon.  But anyways, that is for another post.  On with the news.

Well a few days ago I hit my 6 month mark!  It has been 6 months (and a few days) since my first surgery.  And I am happy to report that all is great!  Things seem to be working good.  The j-pouch has gotten the hang of it's job, and I know which foods it likes and others that will cause it to protest.  Minus the fatigue and the new terrain on the abdomen, I am as good if not better then I was before!  As I get back back into working out, the fatigue will start to vanish and maybe some of the tummy of yesteryear will return.  

On other FAP related news, Monday we head out for another Mayo Clinic adventure.  Bright and early Tuesday morning (six freaking am!) I'll be having another (final?!) surgery to remove the polyps on my small intestines.  The surgery will be endoscopic, the camera and tools will be passed down my throat, through my stomach and into my small intestines.  The doc will attempt to remove the growths and scrape up as much tissue as he can without puncturing the bowel wall.  He will also check the edges of the area that he worked on last time.  He needs to make sure he got it all and the edges are clean.  

The hope is (and I'm feeling very confident) that we are still one step ahead of this disease and that the growths have not become cancerous.  Hopefully, this goes smoothly and he is able to fully remove these last two buggers.  And maybe I can get to go more then two months between surgeries!  

If everything goes as planned I will be released later that same day, but I'll have to agree to stay in a hotel nearby, just in case.  We should be heading back to Michigan by Thursday morning.

We decided not to drag the Grace Monkey along with us this time.  It is not fair to her to make her sit in a car for 9 hours and then have to stay in a hotel room all day and night.  She'll be getting a nice holiday at her previous foster mom's house.  They have 3 of their own boxers (even though one of those boxer is big enough to count for two!) 1 boston

 terrier and 2 foster dogs living with them.  It will be a full house with Gracie there, but I know she will get the best care and will be completely spoiled!  

And one other really exciting tidbit, last night Gracie passed her Good Canine Citizenship (CGC) exam!  One of the proctors said she was one of the youngest boxers he's seen pass the exam.  I am one very proud mama.  Click here to learn more about the exam and what it entailed.  Here are a couple photos of Gracie being well. . .Gracie.  Hard to imagine that this goof was able to settle down and be serious for an hour straight during the exam!

Commence the two week countdown

Hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day.  Mine consisted of pomegranate martinis (yeah we don't have any martini glasses.) and three layer chocolate mousse (the picture of them turned out unappetizing so I'll spare you.  Just picture three layers of chocolate mousse; white, dark and milk chocolate shaped as a heart)  So good.  I don't let j-pouch stop me from enjoying anything! (I had a little help from some lactaid and bentyl.) 

Well it is 2 weeks away from my 2nd and hopefully final Mayo visit.  I am really hoping that the doc is able to remove the last two polyps and that this is my last FAP related  procedure.  (A girl can hope can't she?!)  There is always a chance that I may never have another FAP issue.  My fingers are crossed that I have paid my dues.

The mayo visit in March is going to be a lot like the one at the end of December.  The doc plans to remove the two remaining polyps, while they are extremely large they are not near the bile ducts so they should be a bit simpler to remove.    My goal is to recover nicely from the procedure and not get my butt admitted for overnight surveillance again.  

25 Randoms

I know this is going around facebook.  But since I am currently boycotting facebook I thought I would post this here.  

25 random things about me. 

1. I save one voicemail from each of my loved ones  Incase something were to happen to them, I'll have saved a piece of them.  
2. I don't do math.  Math is like a foreign language to me.  I don't even know my basic tables.  I have to visualize a picture of each number (much like a side of a dice) and then I can do the equation. (I know the picture for 3 plus the picture 7 equals the picture for 10. Odd I know. I have no idea why my "pictures" just can't be the number itself.) 
3. I believe that if I think the worse it won't happen.  For example, if a someone was calling me really late at night and I had no idea why they were calling I would think of the worse possible reason for their call (an accident or something) that way the worse won't happen. Only once has this not worked, when Koda died.  
4. When one light has multiple switches to it, I like them to be in the proper position.  Down is off and up is on.  It bothers me when they get out of whack and one switch is up but the light is off.  
5. I love milage!  I mile everywhere I go.  I love knowing that it is 1.3 miles from my house to the grocery store or 10.2 miles to my work.  
6. Growing up I went to 11 different schools in 12 years (1st through 12th grade).  
7. My brother is my BFF.  We are very close and always have been.  Probably due to the fact we moved around so much. 
8. I went through a stint where I wanted to be a truck driver.  I'm not talking about when I was little either.  I'm talking about when I was in college.  I wanted to take a year or two and be a trucker.  Just me and my dog traveling across the country.  
9. Other things I wanted to be when I grew up: a bulldozer driver (we always lived in new construction so I saw a lot of them), architect, interior designer, graphic designer (this one I really regret not pursuing) and a mom.  
10. I  will only drive American.  I am completely dumbfounded that more people don't purchase more American made especially with the economy the way it is.  Yes it is more expensive but that extra dollar is going towards someone's pension or healthcare.
11. If I could I would take a year (or a summer really) and follow DMB ( Dave Matthews Band) across the country.   
12. I have a guitar, but I don't know how to play it, yet.  I did play the electric guitar for about 6 months while in Jr High.  I could only play pieces of "Paint It Black" and "Dust in the Wind". 
13. 
    
14. I am superstitious, hence no # 13.  I also have to make a wish whenever a digital clock reads 11:11 and I commonly knock on wood (but only 3 raps, it has to be an odd amount of knocks).
15. If I won the lotto I would open a dog rehabilitation and rescue center.  
16. At one time or another I have had 7 piercing.  One in each ear, two more in the left ear, belly button twice and my tongue.  The tongue was only for a couple months during first semester freshman year (at college).  I think it was some strange independence thing.  (Sorry Dad.)
17. I have  two tattoos.  And I may get another one day. 
18. For a year, while Scott was going back to school, we lived in a "bad neighborhood"  (and I really mean bad.  My car was stolen, women were being mugged weekly and we lived across the hall from a bonafide crack addict.  It wasn't uncommon to see him just standing in the middle of the hallway drooling.) When Scott was out of town,  I would sleep with a butcher knife under my mattress.  I don't know what I thought I would do.  I mean did I really think  5 foot female holding a knife would scare an intruder away?  Especially while her mean pitbull looking dog was attempting to lick the skin off him?  (Koda wasn't a pittie, even though everyone in that apartment complex insisted she was.)
19. If I could change one thing about myself it would be my singing voice.  
20. I use to think God messed up on me.  I would tan (a lot) and bleach my hair.  I thought I was meant to have darker skin and blonde hair and I hated my dark freckles.  Then one day I realized that my coloring with dark hair, pale skin, light eyes and dark freckles is my heritage.  Now I rock my natural beauty.  
21. I don't do forwards.  At all.  So all you who send them to me, feel free to keep sending them but know I do not send them on.  And so far my luck has pretty damn good if I do say so myself.  
22. I taught myself to drive a stick shift.  End of freshmen year, Dad dropped off my manual Wrangler and said "Here ya go."  I learned by trial and error.  Oh that poor transmission. I was then able to teach my brother when no one else could.
23. I don't know my left from my right.  I must of missed that day in preschool.  I have an hand trick to help me when I am telling someone directions.
24. I also mix up my lower case b's and d's.  I have to do the "bed" trick.  (Make and ok gesture with both of your hands, left hand makes a b while the right makes the d) 
25. I knew right away that Scott what the man I was going to marry.
26. (Remember this is really #25,  there was no 13) Until 6 months ago I had never been sick (sicker then the flu), never even used my health insurance, never been in a hospital, and I only saw a doctor every couple of years.  Oh how the times have changed.    

I hope you all don't think I am too odd now.  But if you do, oh well then.  

Welcome to the World Baby Cy

I'm an aunt (again)! Baby Cy joined us Saturday February 

1st. Weighing in at 6 Lbs 15 oz.  We visited the new angel and his family yesterday.  I loved getting to meet him and getting to spend more time with my niece Nia.  But, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. 

So very small.  

Your big sister loves you very much Cy.  

The beautiful family.  I love you.  

Dumpster Diving

For a limited time only here is the picture of the new haircut.  I'd guess about 6 inches got cut off.  This picture gives the cut no justice, but it is the best I can do.  I tried with my camera in front of the mirror but after a frustrating 10 minutes I gave up. It is a lot harder then I thought getting a good picture of yourself in a mirror.  When I would finally get everything lined up right I would forget to smile.  

File this next bunch under "life with a j-pouch".  And warning it may be TMI for some.  

The j-pouch can be a bit unpredictable, especially at night while in a deep sleep.  Unfortunately I have to wear "protection" at night (No weirdo! Not that kind of protection, this kind. Which BTW are so much better then depends.) .  Yeah it sucks and it is so not sexy but that, my friends, is how it is.  Well, last night the lovely j-pouch decided to surprise me, and lets just say I was happy I was wearing protection when I awoke this morning.  I guess that is what I get for eating Mickey D's for dinner.  

Anyone who has a dog might know where this story is heading. . .  Well after I cleaned up I guess I didn't shut the bathroom door all the way.  Either that or Gracie has learned a way to open doors, which really wouldn't surprise me.  When that girl has her mind set to mischief nothing stops her.   It was oddly quiet in the house (another sign someone is up to no good), so off I went to find the little demon.  And there she was, trash everywhere and of course she found the messiest nastiest articles to shred into a million little pieces all over my beige bedroom carpet.  After I was able to compose myself and stop the dry heaving I cleaned up the mess.   Thank God for the SpotBot (best $140 I have ever spent!  FYI, a must have for anyone with a puppy.) After some elbow grease, a dog bath and a very long hot shower for myself everything is as good as new.  Well kinda.  

Gracie goes to camp

After a full day at the new job I came home to a very rambunkous puppy.  And that was after multiple potty breaks and a few play sessions.  Scott worked from home for part of the day.  I can't imagine how hyper she would be after a full day home alone, so today I looked in to doggie daycare.  We went for our "interview" and trail day at Doggie Day Camp this morning.  She aced her interview within minutes!  (Basically they were just checking to see if she was dog friendly and had some doggie manners)  You can check her out on the web cam if you want.  She'll be there till 4 today and till 6 tomorrow and Thursday (last time I looked she was in indoor camp 3).

Minus coming home to an overly hyper puppy, my 1st day on the job was great!   Charlie was an angel and we spent the day getting to know each other.  If there was ever any doubt about going back to work for only part time there isn't now.  I was wiped out yesterday!  And pathetically my arms are a bit sore today.  Now that is embarrassing.  I guess after not doing much for six months any strength I might have had went straight out the window.  

* I'll add a pic of the new hair as soon as I have a good one.  It is remarkably hard to take a decent photo of yourself.